How Do You Measure a Year…?

It’s been a while.

I keep wanting to write something. I start and then I end up leaving it alone. Somehow I just don’t want to think about what’s happened in the year that I’ve let the blog lap into silence. I don’t. Not really. It was a year, nothing special happened with it and it was just the same story. So that’s that there.

As for this year. The beginning has started out strong. Only five (almost six) months into it and I’ve almost figured out my daily routine. I have accomplished more in the last six months than I have in the last ten years. Just writing that makes me think. And I don’t think I need to think about the last 10 years. That’s too much baggage to sort through.

Let’s see here. I graduated the college with my Associate in Applied Science, Business Administration, Management. Now to utilize that degree to some point. Then I finally got my driver’s license on the third try. And now I have a part time job that pays weekly.

So I should be content and let it all be, right?

Unfortunately my life is still missing so much. I’m impatiently waiting for that next step. The one where I find someone (or he finds me) and everything finally falls into place. The rest of the fantasy is my loneliness talking that involve reading too many books. Reality is nothing like that. But I now what to find someone. I want to start dating and enjoy time with someone.

I’ve never been much of a social person. I have one or two friends that I’d spend time with here. The rest are long distance and we’ve drifted apart. There were no congratulations or any well wishes from them about my recent accomplishments. Well, barely any. Maybe one or two. But I don’t really have any friends here in town to hang out with. It bothers me, but I don’t know how to change it. The situation that I was in for almost 10 years shifts your perspective and it changes a lot of your social skills. You adapt to your surroundings or you don’t survive. I had to adapt to survive. And that meant not dwelling on the fact that I was alone. And once you learn those skills, of how to be alone, being without people around, and you settle for the silence of empty rooms. It’s hard to turn away from that. It’s hard to seek out the noise when all there seems to be is silence.

Sure you can hang out with a bunch of people in a crowd, but sometimes you feel even more alone because these people have connections to others. And you aren’t connected to anyone. You feel like an intruder. Not welcome because you just haven’t found that comfortable level when being around people.

At least with work you can do some things on your own and not have to worry about others.

So there’s no reason to be angry or upset that you’re reminded of your single martial status or the fact that you don’t have any close friends around. There probably are people out there you can talk to, who do want you to talk to them. It just takes a little time to adjust and to be able to open up to another person. Getting used to being alone and doing it all yourself is not healthy. We all need the connection of others to get through life. Maybe I’ll be able to find that soon. I hope so. Summer is almost here and I really want (really really want) to experience it. So restless, I just want to go out and experience summer.

Maybe this year I’ll be able to.

Mystery Greenhouse: Paranormal? Trick of Light?

On May 7, 2009 there was a storm front that swept across the nation. When it reached my place, in Eastern Kentucky, the cloud formations were just really awesome cool. So I grabbed my camera and started snapping pictures.

Not sure what was going on with my camera at that time. It must have been extra sensitive or I’m developing a nervous grip since most of them were a little blurry and out of focus. Either way, I got some awesome photos that I may turn into prints (they are just that good) and I also got more than I bargained for.

There is a greenhouse that sits a little bit up the ways from my own home. It’s a half circle, plastic covered greenhouse. It was built a good dozen years ago by my Dad who was a farmer. He raised tobacco plants, starter plants, different type of vegetable plants and even some flowers. The place has been empty for almost four years now because he became very ill and could no longer work in the greenhouse like he used to.

He passed away February 27, 2008 after a long battle with Parkinson’s Disease and congestive heart failure, pneumonia.

Since then we’ve started to upkeep it a bit more. Cleared the weeds from around it. Though I wouldn’t go inside if you paid me. It’s a hothouse for snakes, especially copperheads and water moccasins that are popular in this area.

What’s all that have to do with this odd post? Well, the pictures that I took had some kind of odd light that appeared around the greenhouse. It’s a bright orb, like you see many paranormal researchers showing. It does a funny “v” trick, does a little dance in one corner, and then it stays still in a couple others.

Now, these pictures were taken on a very cloudy day. The sun could barely peek through the clouds because they were so thick and dark. (Which made for awesome contrast photos, but more about those clouds later.) I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary with my eyes, as I was focused on the clouds and not on the greenhouse itself. It was just when I was looking through them that I noticed the orb light.

It’s too high up to be a reflection, when the sun wasn’t even shining on anything that could reflect it. My camera wasn’t shaking that bad for a “v” to form the way it does. Or to do the dance. There was no long exposure set on the camera. And I can’t duplicate the results, even in sunlight.

I don’t know what this is, maybe someone else out there will know?

As you can see that the woods are thick all around, there are no street lights in sight of the orb. And it wasn’t dark enough for them to come on.

These were taken with a KODAK EASYSHARE V803 ZOOM DIGITAL CAMERA. All the settings were default, except I may have chose the ‘Landscape’ settings for a few of these due to the light. They were all taken on the same day between the times of 8:50pm and 9:00pm.

What do you think they are? Orbs? Spirits? Paranormal? Or just some trick of the light caught on a digital camera? I’m too much of an amateur to actually create these pictures in photoshop.

Games People Play

What’s the point in games people play?

So a few months ago my Mother had moved out of the house, and I was on my own. Which I loved, by the way. I enjoyed it. The only annoying thing was that I couldn’t go where I wanted, when I wanted. But still, I liked living alone. Then my sister moves in, since my Mom basically gave her the house anyway. I was mostly just in the way of her completely occupying the house. Finally my sister took the hint and she moved back out. A month later of living alone. And now apparently my Mom and her husband are moving back into the house.

Why?

Somewhere in this game is suppose to be the objective of helping me get out. You know, the license, the car, the job… the life. Kinda funny. Can’t get a car without a license and can’t get a license without a car. And I am not willing to get a job without either because I don’t want to depend on other people to get me to and from work. My cousin doesn’t drive, so in order for him to get to work he has to have someone drop him off. And then he spent a couple hours calling people to get a rid back home. I do not want to be put in that position. Not only is it frustrating for me, but it’s probably annoying to the person who has to be nice enough to answer my request.

My sister couldn’t help me with it. When my Mom was single, she had no real desire or want to help me with it. So why should I think that she’s going to help me now? I know she’s changed. But I just don’t see it happening.

I guess that kind of explains the relationship I have with my Mother. I’m not close to her. I observe her, I try not to ask or anything because I don’t want to take her for granted. But we don’t talk . We don’t really know each other.

Ugh. Now I’m getting maudlin. You know of all this game playing the last few months, the one piece on the board that isn’t moving is me. Maybe it wouldn’t bother most people. But it does me. When I do get to go out, I have no accomplishments to tell people. I tell them I’m in college because that’s all I’ve got.

I ran into my algebra/pre-cal high school teacher the other day and she asked if I had kids. Nope. I can’t even get a date, how am I suppose to have kids? It’s frustrating for me. And from a society viewpoint, it’s kind of sad. Maybe I really am just pathetic.

I don’t want them living here again. I don’t want anyone moving in. I get itchy and I immediately go into hiding when someone else lays claim to something. Granted, I’m just living here. Maybe I got delusional enough to believe it was mine. That I had some claim to it. But I don’t. Still. It became my space, and now someone else has moved into it and taken it over. So I retreat back to my corner room.

And all of it is for what? They aren’t going to help me. My Mom isn’t going to help me with anything. I know she’s not. I need to do something, so I have to ask someone for the help. If it’s something like picking up an item from the store, “I’ll take care of it.” But I wanted to do it. Yet I have to give it up and let someone else handle it. I don’t like feeling helpless. I want to do it myself. I don’t want someone to do it for me.

I mean, am I broken or something?

Maybe it’s just the consequences of being a prisoner of circumstance. My circumstances force me to do what I have to do, not what I want. But we can’t always get what we want, right? And I’ve yet to find the place where I get what I need.

Kentucky Ice Storm

Yep, I was one of the victims of the ice storm. Though my experience was different than most people, my house lost power Tuesday afternoon and as of this post has not been restored.

So because of the lack of electricity, I’ve packed a bag and gone to Louisa for a few days. It’s hard being away from things that I’m used to and I really do miss my house and being alone. But there are just some things in life that you gotta deal with.

Things here are okay, the bed sucks – hard as a rock, so it’s painful. I miss my cat most of all. But she’s doing well, we check on her every day. I know I’ve lost most of all my food that was in the fridge and freezer. At least there wasn’t much in there worth keeping anyway!

Umm.. completely random post. So, yeah. I’m going to get ready for the Superbowl tonight. That’s gonna be an interesting game. Can’t wait to check out the commercials!

I’m going for the underdog. The Cards have worked so hard to get to where they are and this is such a big moment for them. I hope they can pull off a big win, or at least not lose by a lot.

Who are you rooting for?

Busy, busy, random

First all, it’s so cold! The weather has been just miserable and this is why I dislike winter. Extreme cold just really sucks. We’ve had temperatures that have been as low as 0 degrees overnight. One day was lovely, 60 degrees! Then it dropped back down to 30 the next day. Brrrr!!

Next, school has started again. Four more classes. I’m not overly excited about it, something to do. Just another round of online classes. Not like I get to leave the house to go to a campus or anything fun like that.

Yes, this post is meaningless. I’m still breathing. Not much to right about just now except regular personal stuff, my sister moved back out of the house so I have it to myself again. All quiet and peaceful.

About it. Til next time.
Ciao.

Review – Twilight: The Movie

I’ve been meaning to right a review for Twilight: The Movie. Just goes to show how procrastination works since the last time I edited this was December 2. Anyway..

Since it has been a while since the Twilight movie has debuted in theaters… here’s my random review of it. Nothing big, just something.

Going into it, I wasn’t expecting it to be like the book itself. (And anyone who did was most definitely disappointed.) Why? Because while the book was from Bella’s point of view, there was also the matter of getting the other characters involved to a point that would make a good production.

So while the movie is still focused on Bella, you do have to come up with a script that is mostly third person rather than first person. I think they did a good job with what they had. It was a bit rushed, some scenes from the book should have made it into the movie. But then some scenes in the book were joined together – for movie’s sake. I think they were able to pull that off rather neatly.

What threw me off was the tree-climbing. No mention of it in the book, so I guess they wanted that extra action punch that they figured climbing these huge trees would be fun. Jury’s still out on that. Umm.. the sparkle thing.. I’m not so sure about. Seems that it’s kind of cheesy. But, you know. Special affects aside, not all that bad. What does get me is the other characters reactions. Some of them seem to be a bit more extreme than the others. Edward in Biology? Jasper’s painful face? To me that’s a bit extreme. But I guess from a teenager point of view, you know, that’s how you would act as a teenager. Right? So. Yeah, but I thought it was really a bit too much to appear like he’s vomiting. The covering the mouth part was overreaching. And Rob’s expression when he sparkles was a bit painful too. Other than that, I think it was overall good acting.

Gives us another yummy guy celebrity to drool over, right girls?

There are several instances in the movie where it doesn’t correlate with the book, but I’m not going to name them all here. (Like the bookstore that isn’t open in the book, but it is in the movie?)

I’d suggest watching the movie for movie’s sake. Don’t go into it with your book in hand, trying to follow along. It won’t work. The book rarely ever really meets the movie standards. Especially since you have a timeframe to enclose the movie in while you can write on and on with a book.

That about covers it.

Thanks for reading my random rabble. I’m looking forward to the next installment: New Moon. Wonder how they are going to do the movie without Edward? Or will they find some way to include him in it at random intervals? Are we ready for a trip to the Volturi? Hmm..

For December!

Nothing new going on.

Semester classes are over with. Or have been for the better part of the last week. I had to travel to the campus to take my final exam for Applied Mathematics. I have no idea if I passed that class. I think I got a roughly 68.9 percent. That’s a D+. Maybe it’s enough.

Anyway, things have been rather crowded but normal here. My sister has now moved in with me, though she still hasn’t packed up her previous house yet. I think her husband is starting to come around and get settled into the house as well. It’s hard living with 3 kids ages 10 and under. You want the quiet to do things, and everyone wants to climb on top of you because you’re new and just different than what they’re used to. So I’ve had my room invaded many times. Not always great, gets annoying at times. But they’re kids, what can you do?

An update recently though, I posted a series of pictures a couple months ago about Fall. One of those was of a ‘dead tree.’ This tree had been struck by lightning at some point in it’s life and simply stopped living. Well, we had a really bad wind storm here a couple days ago. And the Dead Tree fell over.

Onto powerlines…

Here are a few photos, they’ll be small since I wasn’t able to find my camera. (I swear, I can’t keep up with anything.)

They were taken with my cell phone (Motorola V3xx) So they are small. But we had to call the telephone company to send someone out to cut it down. It was an adventure since our electric also went out. So we ended up standing outside watching the guy (who was kinda cute) chop up the tree to get it off the powerline.

So that’s the end of the Dead Tree. It now lies in a pile of wood on the side of the road.

Good-bye, tree!

And that’s it for now.

Happy Holidays!

Gobble, Gobble!

Hey to everyone!

Dropping in real quick to send best Happy Thanksgiving wishes to everyone! Hope your day is filled with good family fun and lots of delicious turkey!

I had my turkey dinner yesterday with my Mom and her boyfriend in Louisa. Was really yummy and I got a lot of leftovers, so that’s gonna be my dinner for today. My sister and her crew are traveling to somewhere else for her husband’s family dinner. So I can relax for today while watching the parade and football.

I’ve got a few ideas for some blogs coming up. Including a Twilight Movie review. I saw it Friday night (the 21st) and I was pleasantly surprised by it. More on that later.

So everyone travel safe if you’re traveling and enjoy the festivities!

Cheers and best wishes!

– Anita

Photoshop is Love

I must say that I am such a graphic nerd. I love Photoshop. So so so much. The banner you see above, I made it. With some nifty brushes and super-cool fonts and some really neat layer effects. I can’t say enough about how I love Photoshop. I don’t know how to do anything cool professionally, but I can at least make really pretty things!

I’m working on doing my own collection of icons. I have about a dozen done so far. Most of them are just sayings. 100×100 pixel icons. I like them. But I think I can do better, so I’m going to experiment when I can. But that’s about all there is for me at the moment.

I’ve gotten through almost half of my books on the reading list I posted below. I still have Mariah Stewart to read. The others were rather good. I enjoyed the vampire novels of Lynsay Sands and I’m looking forward to getting the rest of her Argeneau series. Also there is are several books out or coming out for the holiday season I’d like to get my hands on. So I should make a new list to see what ones I can capture.

At any rate, I hope you enjoy the new banner. It is really pretty, isn’t it?

Thanks for reading!

Ciao!

Also!! The song just popped into my head. I highly suggest anyone who enjoys country music to check out Taylor Swift’s new album. Especially the song “Love Story.” I absolutely adore it and I have it in my head non-stop since I saw the video on GAC. So absolutely wonderful. Check it out!

Moving Forward

Note: This is also posted on the other blog I run, because the subject concerns both areas and both audiences. Thanks.

“Private Practice.”

Last night’s show was really interesting as it somehow reflected my current situation. This group of doctors – psychiatrists, gynecologist, pediatrician, … – had to find a way to make their practice work. The practice was going under, they were divided between who would be the boss and the two who were fighting for the position had personal issues, as in they were divorced/separated, sleeping together, but against each other of ideas on how to run the place. So one of the doctors, Addison, told them to either resolve it as to who should run the practice. So that pitted Naomi and Sam against each other, in which they turned it around and put the choice to a vote. In the end, Addison made a speech that really struck a chord with me.

‘Look, maybe this is my fault. I pushed us to try to recapture the past, what we had, what this place used to be. But the past is cluttered with anger and mistakes and we need to bury that. It doesn’t matter who did what when. It matters what we want to do now. What we want this place to be going forward… We need to move forward, not back.”

The past few days have been difficult. I fought with someone who was really popular with most (some?) of the players on the game. This fight had been going on for months. Until Monday night that was the last straw. Yes, I interfered in a conversation between a mortal and immortal. The fact being the conversation should not have been taking place anyway. The past is past and it was time for the attitudes to stop. The conversation escalated into a battle. At which point I fired the immortal in question. That did not sit well with another immortal, who was now his girlfriend. Once he was gone, I spent a little over an hour or two listening to her anger and issues. She claimed she was going to stand up to me, saying I was wrong in what I did. That I shouldn’t have done it without consulting the other immortals.

Even though I had higher rank than her, and I was the administrator. She still argued with me. It was mostly anger, had nothing to really do with the issue at hand. They say they fight for the players and what they (the players) deserve. But this is about what everyone deserves. If there is no game, there is no players. Yes, the players are important. But ask the players what is important to them? The game. Having a place to come to so they can escape reality. So they can talk with friends. So they can belong somewhere where their imagination can run rampant. Without the game, there is no place for them to do that.

So yes, I fired him. Yes, I also banned him. I banned his IP address to where he can no longer even create accounts. I did not tell him I was banning him, there was no point in doing so. The past attempts at trying to get him to see reason, to give a little and let go of what happened then did not work. No matter what level I spoke on, no matter what evidence I presented. And I’m sorry for that. I really did not want to punish him. But it was for the sake of the game. We DO need to move forward. We can’t keep hiding in the past and holding onto the grudges or anger that’s there. He didn’t see it. He refused to let it go.

I don’t really need to justify my actions to anyone. Most of the people who really know the situation agree with my choice. But I feel compelled to at least write it down, to once and for all lay out my thoughts on the matter. I didn’t like doing it. I was close to him once, and I took away something he had been a part of for far longer than I had. But what choice did he give me? When there are so many people around you that dislike you for what you are doing, it is not their fault… it’s yours. And if this was the only way that I could get it all to stop, then so be it. Talking did nothing, pleading did nothing. He was beyond caring.

It’s not the same game of the past. It’s not the same game you remembered as a kid. It will never be the same game as the past. But when is anything of the past the way we remember it? Keep those memories safe. That’s what they are there for. Don’t taint or poison them with what it has become. Changes will happen. New people will show up, new things will occur. It does not mean that people are ruining it, that they are destroying what’s there. It just means that it’s changing. You can’t keep a hold of the past for forever. Because the past is just that. It’s gone.

And if we are continuously reminded of the past, of how great it was and then of how we all fucked it up, then there is no future. And, I refuse to let it die this kind of death. This game has meant so much to so many people, I refuse to see it die because of mistakes and people angry because of them.

That covers it for now. I’ve run dry and my mind is now at ease. Time to prepare for Halloween Night.

Ciao.